Okay, so this chapter was really hard for me.
I had so much enthusiasm in chapter 3. I looked for gifts that were all around me. I found myself so upbeat and positive, and unusually thankful. But this part of the book addresses some very difficult issues. Not only are they difficult, but present in this community right now.
Hardship
Bad things that happen to good people
Loss
Total unfairness with no explanation
I have a lump in my throat as I sit here. A little boy is sick and is not going to get better. It grips my thoughts and my dreams and I am so in disarray about it that I cannot imagine being in Dawn's shoes. I cannot think of anything worse. And as I read what Ann has to say about her son's finger, it does not begin to compare. I realize that she acknowledges that with the farmer boy's accident but at the same time it is hard to believe that anything good can transfigure from this sadness. My only hope, is that something will.
I know that we can be thankful for every day that we have on this earth. I will be thankful for every precious memory I have with my family, every possession I have been blessed with, but what about all the bad? Can I be thankful for that as well? Im not sure.
Maybe that will take some growing in my faith. I know that I am a long way from being the person I want to be and I am trying to make stides in that direction, but this is some difficult stuff. And what really hit home for me was the last paragraph on page 94 into 95. How often do we take what "feels good" for granted and ask "why?" when it feels bad. I understand that only God know the plans but it is so hard to trust in times of pain.
I have had some horrible things thrown my way. I never thought that God was not good, but I did wonder why me, or why my family? Jerry's death was so painful and I still ache so badly for my mom. Our lives were forever changed. It is not something I feel I will ever get over and my heart will never feel whole again. Those memories are so vivid and still so raw. I will say that at those times I was not saved. I dont know what my reaction will be to life altering tragedies now. I would like to think I could handle them with a little more grace but that still doesnt make the hurt go away.
So, Grace...
I looked this word up because I didnt understand what it meant when I first became a christian. I kinda knew what it meant but people used it in so many ways. Here is what Tristan's dictionary says... kindness, holiness, devotion, love, mercy, pardon, a blessing, giving thanks. to beautify, to enhance, to adorn. I guess that pretty much sums up everything good, everything that God is and everything he extends to us.
Lord help me remember grace, in good times and bad.
Carrie I feel exactly the same way.I am finding it hard to deal with Cole's illness. The last few years I really have started to question my beliefs. Here's where I stand, if you feel brave enough to try to figure it out. LOL
ReplyDeleteI sometimes find it hard to figure out exactly what I do believe in!
I would like to think that I am spiritual. I believe that we all have souls and that we are all comprised of energy. I also believe that putting out positive thoughts def. bring back positive energy into your life. I believe in the powerful thought of prayer and I also believe that meditation is also a way to connect to oneself. I think everyone has a center, an existence that has nothing to do with ego. You are not the person that thinks and feels you are the person (when still)can recognize the person who is the ego. (PS if you have never read it think about reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle) Id like to think that I also have faith. I'm not sure if its the same kind of faith that someone else has but I know that its what I believe in, whereas that's the definition of the word :-)
Faith is a feeling we have, religion is a doctrine we didn't create but choose to follow. Sometimes people interchange faith and religion, but they don't really have the same meaning. I'm not so sure I am at all religious. I guess I find it hard to follow one doctrine. I cant wrap my brain around all the different religious with all the different views & the different set standards and think that all of them are soooo different and believe that all but one are wrong. In my life I have experienced religion good and bad. I know the schpeels that sound like "in our religion we are accepting and our god wants us to love one another." I have to believe that the world and our existence is, what it is. We are here for just as long as our energy last. That's the end. To me unanswered questions linger and I cant use religion to answer them. I respect everyone elses views and in no way diminish anyone elses beliefs. I really do try to hear out as many different ideas and I always keep an open mind. That's why I'm always interested to talk with Brandy and I always love to read her blogs. I hope in keeping up with this blog I will keep a heart string tied with my friends!! I guess in living life the saying really is true "its not about the destination, its about the journey."