Okay, so this chapter was really hard for me.
I had so much enthusiasm in chapter 3. I looked for gifts that were all around me. I found myself so upbeat and positive, and unusually thankful. But this part of the book addresses some very difficult issues. Not only are they difficult, but present in this community right now.
Hardship
Bad things that happen to good people
Loss
Total unfairness with no explanation
I have a lump in my throat as I sit here. A little boy is sick and is not going to get better. It grips my thoughts and my dreams and I am so in disarray about it that I cannot imagine being in Dawn's shoes. I cannot think of anything worse. And as I read what Ann has to say about her son's finger, it does not begin to compare. I realize that she acknowledges that with the farmer boy's accident but at the same time it is hard to believe that anything good can transfigure from this sadness. My only hope, is that something will.
I know that we can be thankful for every day that we have on this earth. I will be thankful for every precious memory I have with my family, every possession I have been blessed with, but what about all the bad? Can I be thankful for that as well? Im not sure.
Maybe that will take some growing in my faith. I know that I am a long way from being the person I want to be and I am trying to make stides in that direction, but this is some difficult stuff. And what really hit home for me was the last paragraph on page 94 into 95. How often do we take what "feels good" for granted and ask "why?" when it feels bad. I understand that only God know the plans but it is so hard to trust in times of pain.
I have had some horrible things thrown my way. I never thought that God was not good, but I did wonder why me, or why my family? Jerry's death was so painful and I still ache so badly for my mom. Our lives were forever changed. It is not something I feel I will ever get over and my heart will never feel whole again. Those memories are so vivid and still so raw. I will say that at those times I was not saved. I dont know what my reaction will be to life altering tragedies now. I would like to think I could handle them with a little more grace but that still doesnt make the hurt go away.
So, Grace...
I looked this word up because I didnt understand what it meant when I first became a christian. I kinda knew what it meant but people used it in so many ways. Here is what Tristan's dictionary says... kindness, holiness, devotion, love, mercy, pardon, a blessing, giving thanks. to beautify, to enhance, to adorn. I guess that pretty much sums up everything good, everything that God is and everything he extends to us.
Lord help me remember grace, in good times and bad.
