Chapter 5 Grace

Okay, so this chapter was really hard for me.

I had so much enthusiasm in chapter 3. I looked for gifts that were all around me. I found myself so upbeat and positive, and unusually thankful. But this part of the book addresses some very difficult issues. Not only are they difficult, but present in this community right now.

Hardship

Bad things that happen to good people

Loss

Total unfairness with no explanation

I have a lump in my throat as I sit here. A little boy is sick and is not going to get better. It grips my thoughts and my dreams and I am so in disarray about it that I cannot imagine being in Dawn's shoes. I cannot think of anything worse. And as I read what Ann has to say about her son's finger, it does not begin to compare. I realize that she acknowledges that with the farmer boy's accident but at the same time it is hard to believe that anything good can transfigure from this sadness. My only hope, is that something will.

I know that we can be thankful for every day that we have on this earth. I will be thankful for every precious memory I have with my family, every possession I have been blessed with, but what about all the bad? Can I be thankful for that as well? Im not sure.

Maybe that will take some growing in my faith. I know that I am a long way from being the person I want to be and I am trying to make stides in that direction, but this is some difficult stuff. And what really hit home for me was the last paragraph on page 94 into 95. How often do we take what "feels good" for granted and ask "why?" when it feels bad. I understand that only God know the plans but it is so hard to trust in times of pain.

I have had some horrible things thrown my way. I never thought that God was not good, but I did wonder why me, or why my family? Jerry's death was so painful and I still ache so badly for my mom. Our lives were forever changed. It is not something I feel I will ever get over and my heart will never feel whole again. Those memories are so vivid and still so raw. I will say that at those times I was not saved. I dont know what my reaction will be to life altering tragedies now. I would like to think I could handle them with a little more grace but that still doesnt make the hurt go away.

So, Grace...

I looked this word up because I didnt understand what it meant when I first became a christian. I kinda knew what it meant but people used it in so many ways. Here is what Tristan's dictionary says... kindness, holiness, devotion, love, mercy, pardon, a blessing, giving thanks. to beautify, to enhance, to adorn. I guess that pretty much sums up everything good, everything that God is and everything he extends to us.

Lord help me remember grace, in good times and bad.

Who doesnt race time? Who doesnt wish we had more of it?

I know I do. I guess more than anything life is about not dwelling on the regrets and living in the here and now. In the present. How many inspirational speeches have you heard on that subject? But exactly how do you do just that? How do you remember and remind yourself to stay focused and not worry about what is to come? So many questions and only one answer.

To hear Ann's definition of "This is where God is" struck me hard. It made me stop and think. God is everywhere all the time, good and bad. I know that in my heart but my head still says "Why all the bad stuff, then"? Im not sure that I will be able to wrap my mind around that one.

I have to tell you, I am constantly rereading several sentences in this book. It is not a smooth read. But at the same time, really makes a lot of sense to me. Her words are not fluent to my brain but ring so true. This is material that I need to be immersed in because I find myself feeling so content with what I already have been given. I find myself looking for what to write down next(on my mental list, cause thats how I roll, I will get to the paper soon). I found myself actually listening to the words of a song I knew on the radio and hearing it for the first time. Love those awakenings!

otg - Ch. 3 - make a list

Ok...I had a breakthrough with the book. I merely needed to reach Chapter 3.

Introducing...The List.

I have an idea where we are going now with the one thousand gifts thing...one thousand ordinary yet strikingly extraordinary gifts from our Creator. And the real treasure is found...in their naming.

I'm raising a challenge...to anyone whose eyes graze this post...start your list...one thousand blessings...gifts you already have.

Add a few from your list by commenting below...here's a start to mine (admittedly inspired by my current visit to the North Carolina mountains)

1) Falling asleep to a cricket serenade
2) Waking up to a perfectly visible moon - in the morning sky
3) The changing fall colors
4) Closing my eyes and feeling the breeze blow across my face
5) Being far enough into the country that the only audible sounds are those of nature

What about you? How would your list begin?

otg - Ch. 2 - let's be thankful

Some books immediately captivate me...others don't. The impatience in me generally leads me to walk away from the latter vs. muddle my way through it. However - since I committed to this little 'online book club' - I will not accept defeat - if for nothing more than as a personal challenge.

So what am I saying? The book just hasn't captivated me yet. The style of writing I find a bit difficult to follow, but nonetheless...Chapter 2.

Perhaps what I gleaned from the chapter could be summarized in this...

Be Thankful.

Seems simple enough but let's take it a step further...

Be Thankful...for everything.

The good...and the bad.

Health...

and sickness.

Promotion...

and job loss.

Birth...

and death.

Be Thankful.

Now that carries more weight.

I don't think I want to dive in too deep here...but let this resonate. Why on earth should we be thankful for the very things that break our hearts?

This song comes to mind.

1st book...one thousand gifts - Ch. 1

one thousand gifts, Ann Voskamp

I didn't know what to expect with the book. A friend recommended it to me awhile ago - but I hadn't so much as read the back cover. But it seemed to be the one that jumped off the shelf. If you are reading this...welcome to the book club! There are no rules in how this will go - I just hope to create a safe platform and open discussion - and so we begin.

A profound way to begin with the quote from Simone Weil, "Every sin is an attempt to fly from emptiness." I am reminded that we are created in God's image - leading me to believe that we were meant to be good. But until we figure that out - until we are restored back to Him - there is a void, that we all try to fill one of a hundred different ways.

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them. ~Genesis 1:27

I like the tough place the book opens from...with tragedy and a question, Can there be a good God?

I think it is a question that needs wrestled, for at one moment or another perhaps we've all asked it. If God is all powerful, if God is in control, if God is good - why is there so much sickness and evil in the world?

I like the idea that she touches on that the material world is meant to be the means in which we communion with God. Do we really see it this way? That it is His intent to restore us to full glory - the way we were created to be - in His image - in the beginning. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by grief, stricken by tragedy or heartbreak - I am reminded, this is not how God created it in the beginning.

The kids from the youth center continue to be my inspiration...

Solidifying friendships at 3am

I think friendship can be both born and destroyed at a slumber party. Right? Do you agree? Depends which side of the coin you were on. Were you invited - were you not? Where you included? Were you belittled? Did you matter? I've been on both sides - perhaps you were too.

But then we're forced to grow up and move past those sleep deprived nights...and into more sleep deprived nights of another kind. Perhaps there are children...careers...stress...life. We grow...we change...we look back and wish we could do it all over again - but no part of us would actually want to endure it.

We survived - this thing called childhood...adolescence. Let that be enough.

But friendships should not only be founded in the past - but evolved into something that continues to give us hope for the future. I've been blessed with some friends who have allowed me to do just that. Change. Forgive. Repair some of what was destroyed. And re-visit the days when friendships were born...and solidified over pepperoni pizza at 3am.

Maybe that's what this is...one big slumber party. Where conversations can be honest...questions real...faith tested...and friendships grown.

So snuggle up - you are invited - please join the conversation.